Tattoo or Not Tattoo? That is the Question…

I have an appointment on the 20th with my plastic surgeon, to discuss having nipple tattoos, among other things. It’s been 3 months since my last visit to him, and at the last one I told him I’d want to see photos of his work to help me make my decision. Most of the redness from the last surgery is gone, and my “nipples” are closer to the same color as the rest of my skin. Eight months after the original surgery, I’ve almost forgotten what my breasts originally looked like. I know the new ones are smaller and perkier (in that they ride higher on my chest than the old ones). They’re still pretty well numb, except for some phantom feelings. At least I assume it’s phantom feeling. They’ll feel itchy, but when I go to scratch, it feels like I’m scratching someone else’s body. The right one, texturally, feels pretty much like a “real” breast, but the left one, the side from which I had so many lymph nodes removed, is still very edemic, hard and swollen and…thick, for lack of a better word. I know from looking at photos of other cancer survivors that I am exceedingly lucky to have such a great surgeon. My breasts look way better than most of the photos I’ve seen, even some who had implants. But, I can’t decide what to do about the nipples.

I had a bit of a notion to have tattoos done, but not the ones from the surgeon–from a tattoo parlor. Celtic knots, or hearts, or something. I’m not certain I’m really That Girl, though. I think part of my indecision is from loneliness. I just ended a “friendship” with an old friend who seemed to want to be more than friends, but all of a sudden decided that his alcoholic, coke-using, abusive ex-girlfriend was a better choice than me. I had all sorts of imaginings going on about him; one being that he might help me decide what to do about the tattoos.

Anyway, here I am, trying to suss this thing out. I’m probably stressing over it a bit more than I should, but those things are FOREVER, dammit. Anybody else going through, or been through, the same dilemma? I’d love to hear your thoughts…


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